Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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