Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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