drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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