Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
