Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
