Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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