Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
