Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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