apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
