pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
