I bet he comes in French.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
