happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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