Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
