I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
