i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
