i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
