did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
