I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
