It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
