when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
