I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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