stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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