so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
