so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
