I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
