The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
