I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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