I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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