Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
