I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
