The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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