If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
