Buhtt sex?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
