I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
