I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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