Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
