I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
