She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i out mim tonsoeep
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
