break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
