I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
