but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
