I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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