i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
