We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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