I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
