Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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