idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
