Where is the hickey?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
