I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
