but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
