Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
