Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
