How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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