Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
