She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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