would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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