Can Purell be used as lube?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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