I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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