It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is the high leading the old right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize