how can u be prego again
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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