I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
