party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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