I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
