he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize