Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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