guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
