Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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