I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
