this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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