And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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