well I can't set my house on fire every night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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