yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
