How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
