Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
