that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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